reflections of the self….anon.

I think people can be reborn many times in a lifetime. The choices we make can determine our experiences throughout our lives. Children, of course are the exception to that rule because the general consensus is that they begin their lives as innocent and trusting, but we are adults now and responsible for our own lives. I believe that all the things that happen to us, both good and bad help to define the person we are today, particularly by the way we choose to accept the experience and by what we choose to take from it into our soul and into our future selves.

How I have come to make such a profound, bold statement about life in general is a result of a combination of love, pain, regret, hope, shame and pride. I wouldn’t even know where to begin but I have narrowed the crux of it the next the paragraph…..

After the rush of thinking I had to accomplish everything by the age of 30, the pressure I chose to put myself under to achieve, succeed, win at all costs, triggered a mental breakdown. I was then diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia, unable to leave my unit for 6 months. I decided that I wasn’t going to give up on my life (or I may as well throw my cards for good) so I made many attempts to regain my life, failed, started and failed again until finally here I am today. So many lifetimes it seems from that point to now but eventually I reemerged from the void. These days, I work, I study at university, I have become a vegetarian, a dedicated animals rights campaigner and an emerging artist. I feel like I am finally on a path toward a future that is good for me. There, of course is always room for improvement and I am conscious of the effort I need to put in to overcome more challenges. These days, I feel life is giving more back than it would’ve had I not stumbled so and learned, picked myself up, dusted myself off or perhaps even if I had of made it to that seemingly impossible dream and accomplished all I had set myself long ago.

And yet, someday in the future, I will look back on the person I am right now and reflect on how different I am again from the person I am now. Once again reborn, with just a fragment of the woman I was before. You see, this has come about as I have made a decision to try and take only the good from my experiences , to let go of the bad, whenever possible, hoping to mold myself into a better person each time. I have stopped being concerned with the rush of having so little time to do everything before I die. I used to stress that I might miss an opportunity or that I might make a mistake and ruin my life completely. How insane is that mind frame, well that was once me! I always cared deeply about animals and nature though, felt compassion for others but I had blinkers on and took the attitude, I don’t want to know because it will distract me from my path of achieving materialism and fake happiness. Well, now I do know, not everything but so much more and I want to learn more and more and I want to make some kind of positive difference to this world before I leave it.

Some days, I still feel frustrated by life at times but now I am proud to say it’s not all about me. It’s not all about how time is flying for me, or that I am getting older and I don’t have a flash car , own several investment properties, own a successful business or three or have designer clothes and the perfect figure. For me, it’s now sometimes feelings of frustration over the injustices that I see in the world. There is apathy and indifference to the real important issues by those we vote in to rule us, in big business corporations and even disrespect from some people who don’t respect mother earth, fellow human beings or animals that inhabit her, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. The fact is they are not. I detest war and cannot even fathom to understand or justify it in any shape or form. And I feel so sad when I see how little Man has really evolved in its humanity towards each other in over 2000 years and devastated at how we, human beings treat the animals that deserve to co-exist on this planet with us in harmony.

It’s probable that I won’t live to see the full change in the world I so desire but I am going to give my heart and soul during my lifetime to try and influence people to care as much as I do. To really appreciate what Mother Earth means to us, it is our life source, there is only one Planet Earth. I will be relentless in my quest to support animal welfare rights in the hope of effecting a possible change in the hearts of some of mankind. My dream for this world is realise a peaceful Utopian existence for all to share in harmony. Help me make this happen. Please.